What? Page 2

05/23/2016

  I feel that the problem for me is that the answer to "What" is not black and white. We all have the regular responsibilities I take very seriously having a Wife, House, Cars, Bills Paid Etc. but all the time I have been trying to answer the Question for myself,It has hurt my Life.
  The more I set and ponder the answer the more time that goes by without living the life I really want and Need. Don't get me wrong this is not a Self Help post it is something that I feel posting will Help others like me find that little thing they have spent so much time trying to find. I am exactly like you I want the answer and I want it now!! I have been looking for almost 26 years now with no luck.
  The one thing I do know after all this time is I can describe the life I have in mind its simple but it would mean the world to me.
  I get up early roll over and kiss my wife on the lips say Good Morning I Love You I send her off to work and I am excited to get to work myself, I put on a pot of coffee I take my little dog tig out to do her duty. I go to my home office and turn on the computer. I put my heart and sole into my cool Business, Everyday working is a joy!!I don't take it for granted, I spend every day working twice as hard as now , but running something I can be proud of. Something that means something to me. I get to use my Mind for a Passion that is all my own. By the time my wife is home I'm done for the day. ready for the relationship with her that I started with back in 1997.
  I can give her a hug say I love You and never forget the feelings of Love I use to feel everyday. Get back to being a Team not Two soles drifting apart. I get to take the time in the evenings and weekends to do those things together every couple should even the small things that make a Big difference. After a little while of doing these things together and being a team life will just flow like it should. Being Challenged, Inspired and Loved what a deal right. I told you it was simple!!
  Back to "What" the time is turning fast so now that the time of Law Enforcement winds down my 20 years hits 07/2017. I am back to the Fucking word "What" I know what I want and "What" life I would like to have now. I just have to go get it, that's the problem. I am willing to do what I can to make this Life a reality its not just for me that I have this come to pass it is for my Wife and I.
 I feel like I owe my wife a huge apology one that I can never make up for. See I started out in this relationship with my wife really in Love, not the fake on TV or celebrity love story, the real one. The greatest woman and friend on earth story, someone that is perfect for me and the person I really need in my life. My one true friend that lets me be the introverted asshole I am and still is my lover and Best Friend. That's what makes the answer to "What"the most important thing in my world. I owe my wife so much time back so many things done apart and time apart. I am more than ready to get back to that Real Love not the time apart love trying to remember who she is, what its all about, and what its like to be married. I do not ever want to loose this Person whom I Love dearly so that's what this post is all about
  I guess its my way of putting it all out there like a written contract to get this done and finally get the answer to "What" I have been looking for all of these years. To make the last part of my life the best to be a Great person and most of all a Great Husband.