What?

05/22/2016

I want to post a Letter today about my biggest enemy in the world the word "What".
  In my last sad post about my Mother I was talking about my favorite time to be on the planet earth, It was back in 1981 before all of life's Bullshit hit me. Thats why my biggest enemy is the word What?
  Back when you are a kid you day dream and consider "What" What will I do, What will I be, What is it all about. You never dream that when you are almost 46 years old you still have no answer to this fucking word "What" I had no idea it would control my whole adult life. Today as I type away no answer to the word.
  I have from time to time came to the realization that there is no answer, no matter how much time I have put into it. Back in my teen age years I went back and forth between only 2 things I wanted to be a COP or a Business Man and I will get into that in a minute. Man I thought both things were the Shit!! I rode my bike around with a little Police siren on it on Patrol Day and Night Being a COP would be awesome. My Grandpa was a Game Warden for the state of Illinois and My uncle was the Sheriff of Woodford County so the Idea was already there, don't figure. Not the right chose in my mind now. The business man started in the teen years at 14 or 15 years old after school and work I was hooked on Business News. I worked after School for my Cousin that owned Gas Stations around the area man I thought being a Business owner was the shit to!!
  I chose Law Enforcement Good Pay but Long Hours and no Life!! I feel like this was the wrong answer to the word"What" I know people that know me will be shocked to read this answer back in 1993 was the wrong answer. Before Marriage and getting older and burnt out on long weekends away from people you care about and watching the time slip away, it was not a bad answer but now Yeah!!
  You do not think back when you are younger that you may want to change your mind and have a redo, There is no such thing by the way as a redo. Because by the time this hits you, you are changed, older, meaner and lost!!
 Time ticks away and the people you care about are in the grave or you forget there even exist, the old term two ships that pass in the night is true.
 I dont want to say that Law Enforcement is bad!! I have enjoyed it very much but there is a price that I have paid for the answer to "what" back in the earlier years. The only reason I posted this is to make people think about there answer to "What" I will continue this in another post later this week!!